 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| GARY LINEKER The Beeb’s big beast Anchor-person-thingy. He’s a reliable, professional, cheeky chappy and the old ladies just love that twinkle in his eye. But are we the only ones bored by his omnipresent mush n’blabber? He never says anything worth remembering and he must be on about a tenner a word. Nobody's going to be vexed by Mr Anodyne so we thought we’d pep him up a bit and who better to put a bit of zing into this dullard than Stanley Unwin. Whilst the Professor is sadly no longer with us, Unwinese lives on (and is indeed practiced to some extent by our esteemed pundits) and we are deeply grateful to Pete of www.stanleyunwin.com for his translation of the following. Lineker: Ah Jose Mouriny-ho - all scowl ‘n’ scarfyclobber but not worky. Liverpole up boot ‘n’ kicky in the netfold and never walk alode. Deep folly in the gameplankers. So, much change to come? Hanson: The man that can say “I’m wrong” is a great man…………… Lineker: Once I kickabout ‘n’ fetchit with Joha Croyfarbers. Brilly in the old grey matter like Mourhold, but no scowly - more clever clog and sticky finger in the dykelode. Ego? O yes, and maybe deep thorkus too. But Jose - there’s four wingers tracksuity benchmost and brrr chilly in the botty bumloders. Hanson: It’s a possibility; I mean it’s difficult to argue with a guy whose won the champion’s league…… Lineker: Yes, Liverpold. Walk ho, walk ho, with hoop in yer harclaps but sick as a parrot in the near miss ‘n’ side netty. Could be tee, thro or forb up by now. And Lois Garfield - ball from Stevie Gerbold, open goal and deep, deep folly. Worse than Drogba’s head it ‘n’ bounce off the steward’s cup of Bovroller.all spillit. Hanson: This is a major chance because if this goes in it’s a long, long way back for Chelsea…………………Liverpool have just picked up space with ease. Lineker: Well, second hove and maybe Chelslode clutch, thrurp gearshift and foot to floorbolder with new tictacs and new blood, all restit swiggy on the Lucazale - deep quenchy. But of course a big sporty weekend aho and tomorrow morfold, the great Lundy Marafail with many runny in fancy drapers, but no Paula Radcleps crouchy crouchy on the kerbers. After a break featuring a puff for ‘When Lineker met Maradona’ Lineker: Maradona sneaky cheat’n’ chippit with the mighty Hand of Godbers - that’s a week on Cheesedale. Now, poor Allie Shearbold! Deep thrack to the kneeclappers against Sunderlabe, carty off on the stretchy-ho and it’s goodly-byeloders to the old footibold a few weeks early! Here he is with Guy Mowbrale… But Newcy all hand to the pump’n’ didn’t miss him. Look at the Barcold Premiershop result: Newgale thru, West Brommy Albifail null. Aresenhold and Totty Hottenspoils - the big one for the Champyho League ‘n’ spotters - finished even stevers in the onemost; Bolto up ‘n’ stuffit to Charlters four one; Evertail and Brummage nil nail; but Portensmith the big story of the day, Allers Cap’n’ Scarfole all indestructibold…  Wonderful stuff. Here’s the not so wonderful stuff from Gary from which the Unwinise above was taken, if you could be bothered. CHELSEA vs LIVERPOOL – MOTD 22/04/06 Links: Well he took a chance with his system Jose Mourinho and I’ve got a feeling he might be changing it very shortly cos it’s not worked so far. Liverpool have the advantage. Hanson: The man that can say “I’m wrong” is a great man………….. Links: I once played for a manager; I might be wrong with this, I played for Johan Cruyff who was a brilliant manager, rather like Mourinho, little bit different, but I often got the impression he would do something deliberately clever to try and perhaps get a little bit of credit for himself – maybe his ego. Do you think there’s a sense of that? Mourinho’s left all four of those wingers out. Hanson: It’s a possibility; I mean it’s difficult to argue with a guy whose won the champion’s league…… Links: Liverpool have had their chances as well to put this beyond the reach of Chelsea or certainly make it difficult for them. Luis Garcia almost as glaring a miss as Drogba’s earlier one. Hanson: This is a major chance because if this goes in it’s a long, long way back for Chelsea…………………Liverpool have just picked up space with ease. Links: Well I I suspect that we’ll see Chelsea shift things in the second half, play in a slightly different manner with different personnel (shifts gaze to autocue) but this of course is a big sporting weekend. Tomorrow morning one of the great events of the year takes place. The London Marathon. After a break featuring a puff for ‘When Lineker met Maradona’ Links: He‘s got an extraordinary story to tell - week on Tuesday, join us for that one. Confirmation today that Alan Shearer’s football career has ended a few weeks early due to a knee injury he sustained against Sunderland. The Newcastle and England great didn’t play today but he’s been talking to Guy Mowbray. And Newcastle didn’t miss him today. We can look at the Barclays premiership results. You can see that forth result down there, Newcastle United three, West Bromwich Albion nil. Arsenal against Spurs that big one to decide Champions League spot finished one, one. Bolton, a resounding victory four, one against Charlton, Everton and Birmingham goalless and Portsmouth is the big story of the day there really Alan. Ed’s Note: Unwin Every time. No question. We’ll try to get more from Pete of www.stanleyunwin.com during the World Cup but he’s a Baggies fan and he’s feeling a bit low at the moment. |
