Sidenetting

ISSUE 1

GRAEME LE SAUX - “Since retiring he has become an articulate TV pundit…”

So trumpets the BBC Sport website so we thought we’d put this claim to the test. Here it is then. Graeme Le Saux’s entire contribution to Match of the Day 5th February 2006. It is unedited and verbatim.

ON SHEARER

Obviously I played with him at Blackburn for four years and I mean he’s a goal machine I mean he scores goals from all areas of the pitch. Tremendous err, achievement to err, you know, himself and err, err, his family who’ve supported him all this time.

NEWCASTLE UTD vs PORTSMOUTH

…err, Portsmouth played, sort of five, err, five, err in midfield against them to start off with and Newcastle, really they completely overran the, the first half and subsequently, you know, got their goal.

You can see, I mean they pass the ball around Portsmouth’s five man midfield and they then they broke into, to wide areas and N'Zogbia here gets into good, good position he, sort of, tricky player gets a good ball in. There’s a warning sign there. Amoebi makes a mistake a bit get good early crosses in, err, as well. Obviously Alan Shearer gets a flick on and again N'Zogbia starting to get closer to the target. As the game goes on you get Amoebi 'aving a shot. It’s a great save by Kylie urad a magnificent game. Looked like he was going to stop them by himself. But, I mean, a jus, they just kept going at them and, and eventually, they’re gonna, they’re gonna succumb. But you think Alan Shearer’s gonna get the record breaking goal there gets a foot on it. Again Kylie, then Solano gets the ball in. Great save and then N'Zogbia finishes a goal in inevitably the dominance that they had it was only gonna be a case that Kylie couldn’t keep them out for, for, forever and they won the game comfortably, two nil.

ON THE NEWCASTLE MANAGER

Well I suppose people are touting the same names, you know, as, as they were for the England job or as they are for the England job…

Sam Allardyce or, you know, people talking about Martin O’Neil has ruled himself out. I don’t think there’s any obvious choices at the moment and it’s a case of them, you know, like Alan said is finding somebody for with that he has a longer term, sort of objective of the club.

MANCHESTER UTD vs FULHAM

Fulham, considering they lost four two they played ever so well. They started the game really well. They got at Manchester Utd. really unsettled them and I suppose the most controversial point was, was the fact that, you know, that they, they, the offside goal they, they managed to get, you know, back into the game. Then this happens and you see Ruud Van Nistelrooy here, he’s always looking for the last defender. He gets him, he gets the wrong side of him. Checks back his run, the linesman he’s got the eighteen yard box there. He can see he’s offside but he, err allow play to carry on. Ruud van Nistelrooy, you know, it’s a good shot followed up by Sa, by Saha. But you can see Chris Coleman’s there he’s watching the monitor himself with his group and they’re going absolutely mad. He’s seen that he’s looking for his victim now. He’s appealing….he’s telling him it’s more than a yard offside and, and, an inevitably I think the ref only sees the reaction and sends him up to the stand and, um, he ends up spending,you know, the rest of the game having to talk to his, err, his staff on the radio next to, next to the owner.

ON RONALDO

…I mean he’s err, you know, fantastic talent as we all know an, and scored two goals. I mean he showed the confidence of a young player. The first free kick he has he skies about fifty metres over the bar. Five minutes later, he has another one and then he hits absolutely amazing. I mean Antti Niemi looks like he’s in the wrong position. He’s moving to the right and then when you see it, when you really slow it down. I’ve never seen a ball move in three directions at once. I feel sorry for the goalkeeper Antti because ultimately, you know the ball’s moved so much he thinks it’s going over, over the wall. Suddenly the ball changes direction and you cant opa, you cant allow for that.

BOLTON vs WIGAN
(Linesman is pushed over)

This is gonna be shown over and over again, I mean, you can see Ziegler shielding the ball, De Zeeuw runs into him (laughter) he just left the incomprehensible. He gets his I love the way he gets his flag out though eventually gives the throw in you see it from here and it’s just brilliant. Wassy got his eye on the ball as all good linesmen do and then you just see him complete failure of his left side left side.

And in case you thought Graeme was just having a bad day, here’s some more of that ‘articulate’ punditry

ON BECKHAM - CELEBRITY MASTERMIND

People are made up of different qualities. There’s you know what David Beckham does on the football pitch and and how how he sees the game, how his brain takes on board all that information calcu you couldn’t design a computer in the world that that could do the sort of things he does on a football pitch and so I think its wrong to to sort of pigeon hole you know football players or other people ber because of because of the stereotype that’s been generated.

ON MANICHE - MOTD FA CUP - 08/02/2006

I’ve seen him a couple of times err all be it that he’s sort of err only had sort of had err a small amount of games, but I think he’s taken you know a couple, a couple of weeks training, got to know the players, he’s a quality player so I certainly feel that you know, he’s more than capable of just sitting in the midfield and technically he’s a very gifted player, so he’s another, another one of Mourinhos ex players from previous jobs that he’s had, I think that he’s tailor made for that job Mourinho wants him in...

ON NOT BEING GAY - FOOTBALL FOCUS 25/02/06

Now the thing is that with it is that you know I, I ended up having a you know very public debate over the err, err incident Robbie Fowler erm in 99. Went to the FA. We both got charged erm at the FA and I tried to bring to their attention then what I’d been suffering for many years. Now I didn’t do that in for any other reason than to build up the reasons why I found it hard to sort of keep control in these situations and it’s good to see its good to see that things are changing in a sense publicly because ultimately football if football gets its house in order and doesn’t allow prejudice to be sort of you know aired in in the terraces then at least that does have some sort of erm form on err public opinion you know that forms public opinion and I just think that its its it’s a you’re never gonna stop it it’s like you’re never really gonna stop people being racist but you can influence peoples attitudes over a longer period of time and I think that’s gotta be a help.

More, much more, later!