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| WORLD CUP HOWLERS We’ve nicked some of these off other websites, particularly the excellent www.dangerhere.com, but some are our own. Well, we don’t own them, who would want to…look, you get the picture, yeah? SHIT JOKES Mark Lawrensen: Paulo Wanchope…the perfect man to take to a barbecue. Germany vs Costa Rica 09/06/06 Lineker: You could say they were pulling the wool over our eyes with Lahm scoring there. Germany vs Costa Rica 09/06/06 Lineker: He (Sven) couldn’t bring on Theo Walcott at halftime because he was having his afternoon nap. England vs Paraguay 10/06/06 Garth Crooks: After 2 days of R & R, do we need Wayne Rooney for T & T? Report 12/06/06 QUESTIONABLY RACIST Gareth Southgate: A lot of people who think Trinidad and Tobago are wasting time don’t realise that that’s the speed they move at when they’re not playing football. Sweden vs Trinidad & Tobago 11/06/06 Peter Drury (ITV Commentator): The Lords and Masters are in charge from the start. Portugal vs Angola 11/06/06 (after Portugal scored against their old colony, Angola). Clive Tyldsley: Good Afternoon. G’Day Earls Court. Australia vs Japan 12/06/06 Clive Tyldsley: And Australia celebrate as only Australia can. Australia vs Japan Jon Champion (ITV commentator) on Ricardo La Volge, the Mexican Manager: Looks, acts and sounds like a pirate. Mexico vs Iran 16/06/06 Jon Champion (a little later): There he is. Captain Blackbeard. Looks more like Captain Pugwash. Same game! THE VERY STUPID Ian Wright: In that situation Aajen Robben is not passing to no-one. Holland vs Serbia & Montenegro 11/06/06 Ian Wright: I’m going strong on Van Persie cos I just love Van Basten and I like saying the “van” part. Holland vs Serbia & Montenegro 11/06/06 Steve Wilson (Anonymous BBC Commentator): Cocu has experienced literally everything. Holland vs Serbia & Montenegro 11/06/06 THE WEIRD Martin O’Neill: It’s not worthwhile you lots listening to what I said but it gets it off my chest. Holland vs Serbia & Montenegro 11/06/06 Steve Wilson (Anonymous BBC Commentator): Not so much James and the Giant Peach as Ruud and the Giant Satsuma. Holland (in orange, you see) vs Serbia & Montenegro 11/06/06 Clive Tyldsley: And I don’t want to sound too much like Test Match Special but we’re being attacked by a huge bee at the moment…please bear with us. If you want you can send us some cake, no veg! Czech Republic vs Ghana 17/06/06 TRADITIONAL COLEMANBALLS Mick McCarthy: It’s definitely hit him on the hand but he didn’t raise his ball. USA vs Czech Republic 12/06/06 Clive Tyldsley: Just 19. Cesc Fabricas. Old enough to be Theo Wallcotts grandmother…………………..or father - Spain vs Ukraine 14/06/06 AROUND THE WORLD Canadian TV Anchorman: Craig, how will the Mexican goalkeeper approach this game, given what’s happened to him this week? Craig Forrest: Well; his father passed away this week. He’ll be disappointed with that. Mexico vs Iran – 12/06/06 ESPN – SPAIN Anchorman Adrian Healy: Portugal - a nation of over 10 million people, its capital is Lesbian…umm I mean Lisbon. Portugal vs Angola 11/06/06 ABC Anchorman: There cant be a player with more hype surrounding them than Michael Beckham. Eamon Dunphy Irish TV: They’re lucky they haven’t got any oil or they’d be invaded tomorrow. Czech Republic (3) vs USA (0) 12/06/06 Johnny Giles Irish TV: If there’s one thing about the Japanese – they’ll be game as pebbles, all of them. Japan vs Australia 12/06/06 JJ OKOCHA Matt Smith (ITV): The foul started outside the box. Do you think it was a bit harsh? JJ: Well….aaaah…I think the foul started…aaaah…outside the box. So…aaah….I think it was a harsh decision. Matt Smith: Jurgen Klinsmann made two vital substitutions and they eventually made the difference. JJ: Yes, he…..aaah…made two…aaah…vital substitutions and that made the…aaah….difference in the end. Matt Smith: He’s a big boy (Jaidi) isn’t he. JJ: He’s…aaah….a big boy. Matt Smith: I’m not too sure about his celebration though. JJ: I’m…aaaah…..not sure as well about his celebration. AND THE NOT SO BAD AFTER ALL Guy Mowbray (Commentator) Do you know what this referee does for a living? Mick McCarthy: A Traffic Warden Guy Mowbray: No, he’s a schoolmaster. Mick McCarthy: Well, he’s a wally in his spare time. France vs Switzerland 13/06/06 |
