Sidenetting

ISSUE 1

IAN WRIGHT - “Y’KNOW WHAT I MEAN”

Not really Ian. So here he is as pundit on the England Uruguay game on 1st March 2006.

ON DARREN BENT BEING PICKED

Delighted for him y’know I think ‘e deserves it as well y’know ‘e’s scored ‘e’s scored goals in the season ‘e scores left foot right foot confident y’know ‘e come up from Ipswich and err ‘e’s quite, y’know what I mean, quite under a lot of pressure to do well this year and ‘e’s done well in the World Cup year and now ‘e’s got his chance and I hope ‘e takes it to be honest.

…I rate him really well like I say y’know 'e’s left foot right foot y’know 'e’s got good pace ‘e holds the ball up really well y’know ‘e works the channels y’know and err y’know ‘e ‘e’s scoring goals and ‘e’s confident and that’s what you want 'e’ll know that ‘e’ll need to be scoring goals cos y’know we’ve got people who can hold the ball up an in we want people who’re gonna score goals in this squad.

ON THE CONTINUATION OF ENGLAND’S GOOD FORM

Well it would be y’know cos like you say err we’re going into the latter stages you wanna you wanna get into those kind of stages playing well and being confident ‘n’all it y’know with the squad being confident together ‘n’ I think this is a good game for us y’know Liverpool fans they’re always good down ‘ere so y’know they get behind, get behind the boys they can give a give ‘em give err give err your guys a good ‘iding y’know what I mean it’d be good.

AT HALF TIME - Alan Hansen gives his usual exemplary summary and it is worth recording this if only to contrast it to Wrighty

So, Alan Hansen (repeat Alan Hansen - not Ian Wright - definitely NOT Ian Wright)

It’s been lively. England wont be massively disappointed at the way they’ve played. They’ve had the better of the play, the better of the chances; they got hit by a wonder goal after twenty-six minutes. Some lively performances. Joe Cole’s been really good err Carrick's been impressive and as I say, they’ve had some great chances. England, if they’d taken them, it might’ve been a different story.

Uruguay have been very good technically as you’d expect. They’ve impressed me defensively. Bit of disappointment Darren Bent. But he keeps on looking for a ball that’s very difficult to find and as I said on Saturday night, if the opposition defends the eighteen yard line if you look for it over the top, no chance!

Ed’s note: There, pundits. Is that so hard? Now back to Wrighty

‘an the thing about it is you got people like Beckham and err Gerrard who can find you if you make that little move but the fact is like you say it’s some of the times they’re inna inna inna certain place in the midfield where you cant play the ball what ‘e want but what ‘e’s gotta do is like i if Wayne Rooney goes short ‘e just try like Al says if you get in an’ around Wayne Rooney if ‘e flick’s it cos this is gonna be a one two into their back for I’m f’ I’m personally feeling cos at the moment there’s no space for him to go in behind.

(Alan Shearer on Beckham’s miss – “he maybe should’ve taken it first time with his right foot because the keeper’s moving anyway he’s on his way out to him and he buys the goalkeeper a bit of time”)

Wrighty: Yeah, well I think he could’ve flicked it with his right foot as well it’s about opinions, innit (laughs)

ON JOHN TERRY

Because I know that JT can get in da box ‘e ‘e’s a threat y’know what I mean and this this is what ‘e can do look look pick it up from this is just brillia this is what John Terry’s err about ‘e’s a good footballer people don’t realise how good ‘e is an’ this the goalkeeper had a great save there that is a go.. can you you imagine ‘ow I felt there I saw John Terry going through there I’m thinkin’ (interrupted…Ed’s note…thank God)

AT FULL TIME - ON SEAN WRIGHT-PHILLIPS

It is proud and en one thing I ‘ave to say we ‘ave found out for tonight is that I feel it’s not biased or anything but I think Sean Wright-Phillips should go, yeah. No seriously I was just pleased that ‘e came on and scared the guy an’ done what ‘e’s ‘e’s ‘e’s ‘e’s capable of doin’.

Ed’s note: Trabscribing the punditry of Ian Wright is not an easy task. Wrighty fidgets in his chair, puts his hand over his mouth, sometimes shouts, often mumbles, makes strange noises, he interrupts others and it is often difficult to make out exactly what he has just said. Whilst the above is verbatim it is not complete. We just couldn’t be bothered to transcribe the lot. Y’KNOW WHAT I MEAN!