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PREVIOUS ARTICLES: Like Rugby League’s Superleague in England, the A-League is played out over summer whilst the grass roots of the respective sports are played in Winter. Of course ‘grass roots’ here doesn’t involve any sort of pyramid, not even promotion and relegation (certainly not to or from the A-League anyway). So what do we do, where do we go for a lower league fix when it’s a bitterly cold winter’s day of 25 degrees C with not a cloud in the sky? Well Australia has to have something going for it apart from the appallingly over eulogised ‘mateship’ hasn’t it? The options are incredibly limited for a country of 20 million or so. For a start, do not be fooled by the Australian pools which, if memory serves me right, goes down to Victorian Division 6. Teams that play in Victorian division 6 will be lucky if the whole team turns up let alone a crowd. But I know little or nothing of Victorian football because for the last year and a half I have lived in Queensland. I am, to other Australians, a Banana Bender, as we are unaffectionately known, and for all I know the other Australian states may not even exist, such is the parochialism of media throughout this vast land. For those of you reading this who have never lived in Australia (I know I shouldn’t assume that anyone at all is reading this), the states of Australia are highly independent and, as a rule, do not care for each other overly much. Our ‘government’ is the Queensland government, our laws are Queensland laws, our TV, newspapers etc, etc….. Indeed, the tyranny of distance is such that it is pretty inconceivable that an interstate competition could exist at anything other than the very top (roughly equivalent to the Beazer Homes league of yore) level. So what we end up with, in addition to the aforementioned Vics, is a New South Wales league, a South Australian league, a Western Australian league and a Brisbane league. Not even a banana bending Queensland league but a Brisbane (capital city of Queensland - pop 1.4 million) league. Given that it is nearly 1,700kms from Briz to Cairns it is perhaps not surprising that we have city and regional leagues in QLD rather than a state league. And thus I embarked on my exploration of the Brisbane Premier League. There are 12 teams and of those 12, only 4 play at what could loosely be termed stadia, and one of those stadia, Jack Speare Park, home of Taringa Rovers, has a listed capacity of 600. The Maracana it ain’t. Spencer Park, home of Brisbane City, has a listed capacity of 10,000 but in truth it is just one simple stand consisting of 15 rows of concrete benches………and that’s it. In terms of stature it’s the third most prestigious ground in the league behind Perry Park and the Clive Berghoffer stadium, home of Toowoomba Raiders (not even in Brisbane) where the locals steadfastly refuse to rename the main stand. This proudly boasts the name of, and is adorned as, the “Nigger” Brown Stand. ‘Nigger’ because the chap who it was named after was called Brown you see. Played rugby league. Humour you see. 1920’s Australian style. Actually, make that 2006 Australian style.
Spencer Park Given that the only products advertised on Toowoomba’s local TV station (see what I mean about parochialism?) are chainsaws, ride-on mowers, rodeos and tractors, I don’t suppose we should be too surprised. But I digress. Brisbane City v. Rochedale Rovers. Bound to be a cracker. Two clubs in the top half of the table and both are feeder teams for the Queensland Roar as are, er….all the teams in the league, and the Roar are the sixth best pro team in the country…..out of eight. But hey ho, my first surprise was that there was no entry charge at all. As is the practice here, the reserve game is played before the main fixture and the second half had just kicked off in front of about 180 people, all of whom would fall into the category of club members, players, girlfriends, boyfriends and/or parents. The football was entertaining, thoughtful and good to watch just in the way that a veterans game might be. The average age however, would have been closer to 15 than to 50. The more the half progressed the clearer it became that the football looked ‘good’ because both sides were completely knackered and there was a comprehensive absence of pace and power. 3-1 to the visitors with the normal dreadful finishing which is endemic in Australian football from top to bottom and the normal excellent goalkeeping which is also endemic etc, etc. Forget Schwarzer, think Bosnich. The main event confirmed your reporter’s worst fears (and the crowd didn’t get any bigger) in as much as the players were older (but barely anyone over 23), stronger and faster and the football was absolute garbage. Rochedale’s target man and skipper didn’t quite make the grade with Hyde Utd back in Blighty but, like almost everyone on the planet it seems, he was in the youth set up at Man Utd. Indeed, Australia has nearly as many ex Man Utd youth team players as it has deceased grandfathers who fought at Gallipoli – roughly 10 million let’s say. 1-0 to the City. Like most football clubs in Oz, Brisbane City has a thriving social scene and a particular ethnic bent, which in this case happens to be Italian. So. it was back on Friday night with the wife n’ kiddy for Pizza n’ Ribs (not quite chicken tikka ploughmans but cross cultural culinary fusion nevertheless) and the promise of a bit of footy on the pitch as entertainment while you eat. The training was Aussie football in a nutshell. Absurdly complex drills followed by half an hour on a set piece free kick – the one where two players pretend to misunderstand each other and collide on run up while a third player sneaks up and curls it in the corner. They didn’t bother having a keeper for the routine and I can understand why. In over 20 attempts they didn’t even get a single one on target. Good job Harry and Vido are on form. Go you Worldcuproos!
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